170.4

Yes! I am negative 3.4 this week. What I am doing is actually working? who'd have thunk it? Not I! Very excited to blow out of the 170's and demolish the 160's and tell them adios. This morning's weigh in has me so incredibly happy. I am close to finding me again.
i survived a lot of temptations and some not completely. My boyfriend works at two restarurants and brought me home food two nights in a row. It's very frustrating when someone that is supposed to be supporting you is not. I got through it. I took a few bites of both but said no to the whole dish. I think food calls to me in the way that alcohol calls to an alcoholic. Sometimes it's all consuming. If I see something that smells, looks, sounds good I can not seem to get it off my mind until I have tasted it. This started for me when I was in foster care at the age of eleven. I was constantly being made fun of by the foster grandmother. She would call my stomache pudgy. She would laugh at me and crack jokes if I asked for seconds. This was all coming from a lady that 4 years ago died from extreme obesity. She weighed a good 450 lbs. I don't know why I latched onto what she was saying so tightly but I deffinately did. Before foster care i didn't get enough to eat at all. I had just come from my mother's house where food was very scarce. We'd fight over the food like scavengers. It was never healthy food either. Macaroni, rice-a-roni, a big bag of check mix. I remember the chex mix because in the last week of living with my mother she had that big bag of check mix left over from her 4th of July partying. She hid it in her room. A few days later she took off. That would be the last day I lived with my mother as a child. When she left the house there was no running water, no electricity, and only that bag of chex mix to feed 3 kids. I can remember how devestated I was when my little brother spilt the bag onto the floor. Three days later when we had no food and my mother had not come back, I can remember eating that chex mix off the floor like it was the best meal ever. could this be where some of my problems come from?